The Mulla Nasrudin

The Value Of Truth "If you want truth", Nasrudin told a group of Seekers who had come to hear his teachings, "you will have to pay for it."
"But why should you have to pay for something like truth?" asked one of the company.
"Have you noticed", said Nasrudin, "that it is the scarcity of a thing which determines its value?" A Wasted LifeNasrudin, ferrying a pedant across a piece of rough water, said something ungrammatical to him.
"Have you never studied grammar?" Asked the scholar.
"No."
"Then half of your life has been wasted."
A few minutes later Nasrudin turned to the passenger.
"Have you ever learned to swim?"
"No. Why?"
"Then all your life has been wasted - we are sinking!" Perfection An admirer of his once asked the sage
"Master, why did you never marry?"
"Well," he replied, "In my youth I searched for the perfect woman. I spent time with many women, but they all had a flaw. One would be beautiful, but cruel. Another intelligent, but lazy. I had almost given up hope, when I met her; the perfect woman. Healthy, intelligent, sensitive, witty, beautiful, talented... she was everything I was looking for."
"So why did you not marry her?"
"Odd thing," replied the Hoja, "She was looking for the perfect man..." The Moving Friend "Nasrudin," a friend said one day,
"I am moving to another village. Can I have your ring, so that I will remember you every time I look at it?"
Nasrudin replied, “Well, you might lose the ring and then forget about me. How about I don't give you a ring in the first place—that way, every time that you look at your finger and don't see a ring, you will definitely remember me.” Clothes Shopping Nasrudin was shopping for clothes.
He tried on a coat, and then took it off, and said to the storeowner,
“Well, I don't really want this. Take it and give me a pair of pants instead.”
The storeowner did, and then Nasrudin put the pants on and began walking out of the store.
The storeowner stopped him and said,
“Sir, you forgot to pay me for those pants.”
Nasrudin replied, “I exchanged the coat for these pants.”
The storeowner said, “But you did not pay for that coat, either.”
Nasrudin responded, “Of course I didn't—why would I pay for something I chose not to take!” Can I Borrow Your Donkey? A man knocked on Nasrudin's door. When Nasrudin opened it, the friend asked,
“Can I borrow your donkey?”
“I would love to help you,” Nasrudin replied, “but I have already lent it to someone else.”
Just then, a loud donkey noise came from Nasrudin's yard.
“Hey,” the man said, “I just heard the donkey make a noise from your yard!”
Nasrudin quickly retorted, “Do you mean to tell me that you are going to take the word of a donkey over mine?” The Donkey Seller Nasrudin brought his donkey to sell at the bazaar, but every time a customer wanted to inspect it, the donkey began biting and being uncooperative. One man asked Nasrudin,
“Do you really expect to sell a donkey that behaves like that?”
Nasrudin replied,
“Not really; I just brought him here so other people would experience what I have to put up with every day!” The Stranger's Request One day, Nasrudin was repairing his roof, and was interrupted by a stranger knocking on his door.
“What do you want?” Nasrudin shouted down to him from the roof.
“Come down so I can tell you,” the stranger replied.
Nasrudin climbed down the ladder.
“Well!” Nasrudin snapped at the stranger, “What is so important?”
“Can you spare some money for this poor old man?” asked the stranger in a near whisper.
Nasrudin started to climb up the ladder and said, “Follow me up to the roof.”
When they both reached the roof, Nasrudin turned to the stranger and said,
“No, you can't have any money.” Nasrudin Defends Himself in Court Nasrudin was in court for stealing a watermelon.
The Judge exclaimed,
“Nasrudin, I must give you a fine for what you have done.”
“There is no need to do that,” Nasrudin said.
“You can just use this against all the credits I have accumulated for the times I didn't steal anything.” The Punishment Nasrudin told his son to go get some water from the well.
Before the son left, Nasrudin slapped him and shouted,
“And make sure you don't break the jug!”
The boy began crying, and a bystander noticed this and said,
“Why did you hit him? He hasn't done anything wrong.”
Nasrudin replied,
“Well, better to hit him now than to hit him afterwards if he does end up breaking it. That would be too late.” Tiger Repellent Nasrudin was throwing handfuls of bread all around his house.
"What are you doing?" someone asked.
"Keeping the tigers away."
"But there are no tigers around here"
"Exactly. Effective, isn't it?" Donkey's Lament When Mullah Nasrudin's donkey died he was inconsolable.
Eventually his friends remonstrated:
"We know you loved your donkey, Mullah, but you are grieving more than you did for your late wife and this is not seemly".
"Yes" sobbed the Mullah, "but when my wife died everyone came round and promised to find another for me." Borrowing Money One day Nasrudin asked a wealthy man for some money.
"What do you want it for?"
"To buy an elephant."
"If you have no money you will not be able to maintain an elephant."
"I asked for money, not advice!" Almost Lost Nasrudin loved his donkey.
One day the townspeople came running, "Effendi, Effendi, your little donkey is lost!"
Nasrudin replied, "Praised be to Allah! Why, if I was on him I would have been lost too!" Whatever You Say One day the King invited Mulla to his palace for dinner.
The royal chef prepared, among others, a cabbage recipe for the occasion.
After the dinner, the King asked, "How did you like the cabbage?"
"It was very delicious," complimented Mulla.
"I thought it tasted awful," said the King.
"You're right," added Mulla, "it was very bland."
"But you just said it tasted 'delicious,'" the King noted.
"Yes, but I'm the servant of His Majesty, not of the cabbage," the Mulla replied. The Turkish Bath One day Mulla went to a Turkish bath but as he was dressed so poorly, the attendants didn't pay much attention to him. They gave him only a scrap of soap, a rag for a loin cloth and an old towel.
When Mulla left, he gave each of the two attendants a gold coin. As he had not complained of their poor service, they were very surprised. They wondered had they treated him better whether he would have given them even a larger tip.
The next week, Mulla came again.
This time, they treated him like royalty and gave him embroidered towels and a loin cloth of silk.
After being massaged and perfumed, he left the bath, handing each attendant the smallest copper coin possible.
"This," said the Mulla, "is for the last visit. The gold coins are for today." Under Attack One day Nasrudin was walking along a deserted road.
Night was falling as he spied a troop of horsemen coming toward him.
His imagination began to work, and he feared that they might rob him, or impress him into the army.
So strong did this fear become that he leaped over a wall and found himself in a graveyard.
The other travelers, innocent of any such motive as had been assumed by Nasrudin, became curious and pursued him.
When they came upon him lying motionless, one said,
“Can we help you — why are you here in this position?”
Nasrudin, realizing his mistake, said,
“It is more complicated than you assume. You see, I am here because of you; and you, you are here because of me.” The Imposter The Mulla was thirsty as he walked on the seashore, and he stooped down to take a drink.
The water tasted horrible, and he rushed to the village well, a good mile away.
'Quick, give me a pitcher of water!' he gasped out to a woman who was drawing some.
'Why, Mulla, are you thirsty?'
'Yes I am, but first I have to show an impostor what real water is like!' Nasrudin Gets Engaged Nasrudin got engaged to a woman. The fiancèe's mother invited Nasrudin to her house to ask him some questions.
“Tell me,” she said, “are you sure this is the first time you are getting married?”
“Yes,” Nasrudin replied, “I swear on my two kids that I have never been married before.” The Baby is Crying Late one night, Nasrudin's baby started crying. Nasrudin's wife turned to him and said,
“Husband, go take care of the baby. After all, he is not only mine—he is also half yours.”
Nasrudin sleepily remarked,
“You can go stop your half from crying if you want, but I choose to let my half continue to cry.” Complaints About Nasrudin's Wife One day, the local people complained to Nasrudin,
"Your wife is always walking here and there, going to all sorts of different places. It is improper for a woman to do that. Tell her that she should stop moving around so much.”
“OK,” Nasrudin said. “If she ever comes to our house, I will be sure to tell her.” Nasrudin Wants a Divorce Nasrudin went to the village judge and asked to divorce his wife. When the judge asked what her name was, Nasrudin replied,
“Man…I don't know.”
The judge curiously asked,
“Well, how long have you been married to her?"
“Five years,” Nasrudin replied.
The judge incredulously responded,
“Do you mean to tell me that after five year of marriage, you do not know your wife's name?”
“That is correct,” said Nasrudin.
“Why not?” asked the judge.
“Because,” Nasrudin explained, “I did not have social relations with her.” Man Searches for Joy One day, Nasrudin began talking to a man from another town.
The man lamented to Nasrudin,
“I am rich, but I am also sad and miserable. I have taken my money and gone traveling in search of joy—but alas, I have yet to find it.”
As the man continued speaking, Nasrudin grabbed the man's bag and ran off with it. The man chased Nasrudin, and Nasrudin soon ran out of his sight. He hid behind a tree, and put the bag in the open road for the man to see.
When the man caught up, he located the bag, and his facial expression immediately turned from distress to joy.
As he danced in celebration of finding his bag, Nasrudin thought to himself,
“That is one way to bring joy to a sad man.” Nasrudin Eats Dates A man noticed Nasrudin eating dates with their seeds, and asked,
“Why are you eating the seeds of those dates?”
Nasrudin remarked,
“Because the merchant who sold them to me included the weight of the seeds in his price.” Across the River Nasrudin was standing near a river.
A man on the other side of the river shouted to him, “Hey! How can I get across the river?”
“You are across!” Nasrudin shouted back. When Will the End of the World Be? Philosopher: “I have been traveling, researching, and contemplating for years, trying to determine when the end of the world will be—yet I still have not found out the answer.
Mulla, do you know when the end of the world will be?”
Nasrudin: “Yes—I have known that information for a long time.”
Philosopher: “Well, will you share this knowledge with me?”
Nasrudin: “Of course. When I die, that will be the end of the world.”
Philosopher: “Are you certain that will be the end of the world?”
Nasrudin: “It will be for me.” The Pot Nasrudin borrowed a pot from his friend.
The next day, he gave the pot back to the friend, and also gave him another smaller pot.
The friend looked at the small pot, and said,
“What is that?”
“Your pot gave birth while I had it,” Nasrudin replied, “so I am giving you its child.”
The friend was glad to receive the bonus, and didn't ask any more questions.
A week later, Nasrudin borrowed the original pot from the friend.
After a week passed, the friend asked Nasrudin to return it.
“I cannot,” Nasrudin said.
“Why not?” the friend replied.
“Well,” Nasrudin answered, “I hate to be the bearer of bad news…but your pot has died.”
“What?” the friend asked with skepticism. “A pot cannot die!”
“You believed it gave birth,” Nasrudin said, “so is why is it that you cannot believe it has died.” The Town Gossip The Town Gossip: “Nasrudin, I just saw a huge tub of choresht (stew) that some men were transporting.”
Nasrudin: “What's it to me?”
The Town Gossip: “They were delivering it to your house.”
Nasrudin: “What's it to you?” Avoiding Criticism Nasrudin and his son were traveling with their donkey.
Nasrudin preferred to walk while his son rode the donkey. But then they passed a group of bystanders, and one scoffed,
“Look—that selfish boy is riding on a donkey while his poor old father is forced to walk alongside. That is so disrespectful. What a horrible and spoiled child!”
Nasrudin and his son felt embarrassed, so they switched spots—this time Nasrudin rode the donkey while his son walked. Soon they passed another group of people.
“Oh, that's detestable!” one of them exclaimed. “That poor young boy has to walk while his abusive father rides the donkey! That horrible man should be ashamed of himself for the way he is treating his son. What a heartless parent!”
Nasrudin was upset to hear this. He wanted to avoid anybody else's scorn, so he decided to have both himself and his son ride the donkey at the same time.
As they both rode, they passed another group of people.
“That man and his son are so cruel,” one bystander said. “Just look at how they are forcing that poor donkey to bear the weight if two people. They should be put in jail for their despicable act. What scoundrels!”
Nasrudin heard this and told his son,
“I guess the only way we can avoid the criticism of others is to both walk.”
“I suppose you are right,” the son replied.
So they got off the donkey and continued on foot. But as they passed another group of people, they heard them laughing.
“Ha, ha, ha,” the group jeered. “Look at those two fools. They are so stupid that both of them are walking under this scorching hot sun and neither of them is riding the donkey! What morons!” Cow-on-Cow Homicide A neighbor ran into Nasrudin's room and asked him,
“If one man's cow kills another's, is the owner of the first cow responsible?”
“It depends,” Nasrudin cautiously answered.
“Well,” said the man, “your cow has killed mine!”
“Oh,” answered Nasrudin. “Well, everyone knows that a cow can't think like a human. So obviously, a cow isn't responsible. And therefore, its owner isn't responsible either.”
“Excuse me,” the man interrupted, “I made a mistake. What I meant to say is that my cow has killed yours!”
Nasrudin sat in contemplation for a few moments.
“Now that I think about it more carefully,” he announced, “this case is much more complex then I initially thought.” You are Right Nasrudin was listening to an argument.
After hearing the first man present his side, Nasrudin remarked,
“You are right.”
Then the other man presented his side, and Nasrudin remarked,
“Yes, you are right.”
Nasrudin's wife had been listening to the case, and incredulously remarked,
“Nasrudin, that doesn't make any sense—how could you say that the first man is right, and then also say that the other is right?”
Nasrudin responded,
“You know what - you are right, too!” Nasrudin Has Left the Building Nasrudin was a part time teacher, but got bored of the repetitive routine.
One day at the beginning of class, he asked his new pupils,
“Do you know what I am about to teach you?”
“No,” they responded.
“Well then,” Nasrudin said, “Since you don't have enough background information, there is no point in me trying to teach it to you.”
And with that statement, Nasrudin left the building.
The next day, he came to the class and asked them,
“OK—do you know, or don't you know?”
Thinking that they were on to his trick, the students responded,
“Yes, we know.”
“Well then,” Nasrudin replied, “if you already know, there is no point in me telling you!”
And with that, Nasrudin left the building.
The next day, he came to the class and once again asked them,
“Do you know, or don't you know?”
The students, once again thinking that they were on to his trick, replied,
“Half of us do, and half of us don't.”
“OK, fantastic,” Nasrudin replied. “Now the half of you that do know can tell the other half that you that don't!”
And with that statement, Nasrudin left the building. The Turban is Mine Nasrudin's old friend Eynolla came to visit him one day from a far away village.
“I want to introduce you to a few people,” Nasrudin told Eynolla.
“OK,” replied Eynolla, “but please lend me a turban, for I am not properly dressed.”
So Nasrudin lent him the turban, and they went and visited one of Nasrudin's friends.
“This is my friend Eynolla,” Nasrudin said, “but the turban he is wearing is mine.”
Eynolla was deeply annoyed by the remark. He waited until they left the friend's house, and then said to Nasrudin,
“Why did you make such a comment, saying that the turban I am wearing is yours? Do not make such a comment on our next visit!”
So they made their next visit, and this time Nasrudin said,
“This is my friend Eynolla—and the turban he is wearing is his; not mine."
As they left, Eynolla once again expressed his annoyance, exclaiming,
“Why did you go to such lengths to say that the turban was mine and not yours. Don't do it on our next visit.”
So as they made the next visit, Nasrudin said,
“This is my friend Eynolla…and I have nothing to say about whether or not the turban he is wearing is his or mine.” Selling a Turban Nasrudin went to the mayor's palace one day, and wore an elaborate turban on his head in hopes of selling it to the mayor.
“Wow!” said the mayor, “what a magnificent turban! I have never seen anything like it. How much will you sell it for?”
“Fifty thousand toman,” Nasrudin calmly replied.
A merchant happened to be in the court and heard this.
The merchant was familiar with Nasrudin's slickness, and was also familiar with the value of goods. He turned to the mayor and remarked,
“That price surely does not correspond to the market value of such an item.”
The mayor heard this, and asked Nasrudin, “Your price sounds very expensive.”
“Well,” Nasrudin replied, “the price is based on how much I bought it for, and I paid a lot for it because I knew that there is only one mayor in the entire universe who has taste exquisite enough to buy such a turban.”
Upon hearing this compliment, the mayor immediately demanded to his servants that Nasrudin be paid full price for the turban.
Nasrudin walked over to the merchant and said,
“You might know the market values of turbans, but I know the market value of complimenting the mayor.” The Neighbor's Garden Nasrudin spotted some ripe oranges in his neighbor's garden, and wanted to take one.
He took his ladder up to the dividing wall, climbed to the top of the wall, and pulled the ladder over.
As he began climbing down to his neighbor's side, he suddenly heard the voice of his neighbor exclaiming,

“What are you doing here!”
Nasrudin confidently replied,
“I am selling ladders.”
The neighbor countered,
“Does this look like the place for selling ladders?”
“Well now,” Nasrudin replied, “do you think that there is only one place to sell ladders?” The Punishment Nasrudin told his son to go get some water from the well.
Before the son left, Nasrudin slapped him and shouted,
“And make sure you don't break the jug!”
The boy began crying, and a bystander noticed this and said,
“Why did you hit him? He hasn't done anything wrong.”
Nasrudin replied, “Well, better to hit him now than to hit him afterwards if he does end up breaking it. That would be too late.” The Right Language A man was caught in a river current, and hanging on to some rocks to avoid being carried away.
Another man saw this, and said,
“Give me your hand so I can help you out.”
The man in the river heard this, but did not cooperate.
Nasrudin saw this happening. He walked over to the man in the river, and asked,
“What do you do for a living?”
“I collect taxes,” the man replied.
“Then take my hand,” Nasrudin said, and the man finally cooperated.
Nasrudin turned to the other man who was watching, and remarked,
“Tax collectors speak the language of take, not the language of give.” Nasrudin Defends Himself in Court Nasrudin was in court for stealing a watermelon.
The Judge exclaimed,
“Nasrudin, I must give you a fine for what you have done.”
“There is no need to do that,” Nasrudin said.
“You can just use this against all the credits I have accumulated for the times I didn't steal anything.”